Dear my cell phone,
Hello my dear cell phone. You might be in my pocket waiting for me to check whether there is a new message or not while I'm writing this letter to you. I want you to read this letter and get the messages I'm trying to send to you from this writing. I think that you might be curious about the reason why I write a letter to you, which I usually won't do to others. The reason is because I really want to appreciate to you for all of your help and to say sorry for mistreating you.
You really are one of my best friends. Though you are not a human being, you are almost as same as them, and even better than the others in some aspects. You have provided me lots of entertainment so that I can relieve stress easily, and listened to my complaints however ridiculous and unreasonable they are. Moreover, you were always with me. You woke me up in the morning so that I can not be late for school. You were with me when I was alone while waiting for bus, and you helped me fit into my schedules by telling me what the current time is. You helped me apologize to my friends, talk to my parents who I am not staying with in the same place since I have to stay in the dormitory, and sustain the friendship with my friends of elementary and middle school. All the help you gave me as my friend made me enjoy my life better and to have a intimate relationship with my real friends, and that really made me happy. If I were without you, I just couldn't become a person who has lots of friends and is close with them.
Also, I really want to express apology for all of mistakes I've done to you before. Although you are my best friend, I had just treated you as something I can easily purchase, use and throw away. I hadn't cleaned you regularly and just put you anywhere dirty, dangerous, and even in public places somewhere I don't know. I dropped you everywhere, even on a wet road in a rainy day. You were damaged, scratched, and your body and your soul, which normal people call as 'software', was damaged and became dysfunctional. However, you haven't let me down. You always responded to me as polite as possible right after I dropped you on a road, and were always turned on however hungry you are until you have no choice but to turn yourself off. Moreover, you are still with me even though I got a new and even closer friend, my ipod touch; you are just the same even though I care less about you and I sometimes just consider you inferior to the ipod I have now. I am sorry my friend, and I hope you could forgive me and let us become the best friends like we used to be.
My dear cell phone, I know that you might find it difficult to forgive me by just reading an incredulous letter that might not be a sincere one. I might be just belittling your feeling of anger and I am shameless upon you. You know what? I really love you my friend, and I hope you can understand my feelings with your deepest mind of sympathy and love.
Sincerely yours,
Daniel
Dear My Cell Phone,
답글삭제Hello, my dear cell phone. You might be in my pocket waiting for me, curious as to when I’ll check whether or not there is a new message while I'm writing this letter to you. However, as of this moment, I want you to read this letter - and get the messages I'm trying to send to you through this writing. I think that you might be curious about the reason why I write a letter to you, which I usually won't do to others. The reason is because I really want to appreciate you, for all of your help - and to say sorry for mistreating you.
You really are one of my best friends. Though you are not a human being, you are almost the same as them, and even better than the others in some aspects. You’ve provided me with lots of entertainment, so that I can relieve stress easily, and you listen to my complaints however ridiculous and unreasonable they are. Moreover, you were always with me. You wake me up in the morning so that I’m not late for school. You are with me when I’m alone while waiting for a bus, and you help me manage my schedules by telling me what the current time is. You help me apologize to my friends, talk to my parents whom I am not staying with due to my dormitory life, and you sustain the friendships I’ve had with my friends from elementary and middle school. All the help you give me, as my friend, makes me enjoy my life all the better. You’re also not jealous of the intimate relationships I have with my human friends, and in fact you bring them to life. That really makes me happy. If I were without you, I’d be without them. How can I thank you?
As well, I really want to express an apology for all the mistakes I've made since we met. Although you are my best friend, I’ve often treated you as something I can easily purchase, use, and throw away. I haven't cleaned you regularly, and have often exposed you to dirty, dangerous, and even public places where I could lose or damage you. I’ve often dropped you, even on a wet road on a rainy day. You were damaged, scratched, and your body and your soul, which normal people refer to as 'software', was damaged and became dysfunctional. However, you’re spark of life endured, and you haven't let me down. You always respond to me as politely as possible, even after you’ve been abused – you always turn on however hungry you are – until, starved of battery, you have no choice but to fade. Moreover, you are still with me, even though I’ve recently grown closer to a new friend - my ipod touch. You remain just the same, even though I care less about you, and I sometimes consider you inferior to the ipod I have now. I am sorry my friend, and I hope you can forgive me and let us become the best of friends like we used to be.
My dear cell phone, I know that you might find it difficult to forgive me by just reading an incredulous letter that might not be that sincere. Perhaps I’m belittling your feelings of anger, and I am shameless. You know what? I really love you my friend, and I hope you can understand my feelings with your deepest mind of sympathy and love.
Sincerely yours,
Daniel
Hi Daniel,
답글삭제This is good, and decently written. There are some fun anecdotes and ideas at play in here, and generally you write well. Clean grammar. One thing you will see in the corrections I've made below is that I've changed the majority of your verb tenses to become active instead of passive. You still have this phone, so there is no need to refer to it in the past tense. At times it works, but, for the most part, your writing will sound better if it's active and immediate.
To be honest, I'm not that keen on the cell phone being the subject of an ode. Everybody has a cell phone, and it's too easy a subject. It's a bit generic, and unless you are going to take some sort of creative risk or specify something unique about your phone, it's not the best choice. I felt you may have also mirrored the structure of the Zzapagetti example I provided on my blog too closely. So, while this is good and has some fun stuff in it, I encourage you to think outside the box more in the future and be a bit more daring.
I'd also like to see pictures when possible.
See the post below for changes I made.